Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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