In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
