I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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