I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
