He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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