just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
