She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
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When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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