Where did you get a picture of my penis
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
