how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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