in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
