oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
