'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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