just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
