just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
