the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need to calm my uterus...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
