guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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