Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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