Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
