Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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