This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
