that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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