She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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