i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
one might say we're banned from that church
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
