OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need moral support for this bender
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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