walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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