i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
