I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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