Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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