before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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