I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize