The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
