I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize