I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
