He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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