You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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