after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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