omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
