You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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