don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
