I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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