Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
