Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
