it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
