I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
