Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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