i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
