I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
