Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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