the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
honey bunches of taint.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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