i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
