he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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