When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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