i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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