my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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