is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
