That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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