when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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