dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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