Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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